Call me a nitpicker (har har!), but you seem to be tying yourself into needless knots. It’s great to be supportive, especially to the bedbugged, who can feel isolated and ashamed.

Not that they should. If we’ve learned anything from the 27,000 articles on the mighty mites this summer, it’s that bedbugs are democratic — striking chateaus and shanties with equal vigor. All it takes is a bug and a bite.

Still, just because you might catch them anywhere is no reason to visit places where you know you can, right? And unless there’s an exterminator’s license in your purse, it’s hard to see what value you and hubby can bring to the eradication effort.

Be clear: “You, we love. The bedbugs, not so much.” Take your pal to a nice, neutral restaurant. No need to roll naked on his mattress just to show that you care.

Still Single

I’m moving to London for graduate school. But when people find out that I’m 30 and a single woman, the conversation goes from well-wishing to pity: “What about marriage?” or “Maybe you’ll marry an Englishman?” Isn’t it rude to say such things? If I tell them I’m not married by choice, I’m met with disbelief and even hostility. How do I respond without starting a fight?

Anonymous, Seattle

Maybe it’s a time-zone thing, but in New York, at 30 you’d have five to eight more years before fielding this “For Whom the (Wedding) Bell Tolls” nonsense.

It’s rude for strangers to second-guess your life choices. The sexism galls, too. I’d lay odds that a 30-year-old man would hear far less carping on the subject. Problem is, these folks are usually as well-meaning as they are off-base. So, if you prefer not to cause fusses (or give lessons in gender politics), try accentuating the positive: “I’m so excited by my work that men are simply going to have to wait.”

To which you will inevitably hear: “Well, don’t wait too long.” You may either smile through your teeth, or join Match.com immediately. Your call, Anonymous.

Just Smell the Flowers

I was visiting a friend in the mountains who suggested picking wildflowers in a national forest. I told her that wasn’t right because it prevents the flowers from setting seed for the next year. We went for a walk, she picked her flowers, and I said nothing. Later, she posted on Facebook (and her blog) that she’d been out with the “Nature Police,” and encouraged others to follow her example. After my visit, I sent an e-mail saying I was hurt. We haven’t spoken since. Is this friendship over? Anonymous

It will be if the two of you don’t stop your passive-aggressive Internet foolishness. So far, you’ve taken to Facebook, blog spots, e-mail and advice columns. For the love of snapdragons, why not talk to each other?

Social media are meant to facilitate communication, not create safe distances for flaming. If you care about your friend, call her up. An old-fashioned chat may be just the ticket. (And for the record: You’re right about the wildflowers. If we pick them, how can other people enjoy them?)

Minding Manners

My family hosted some friends and their children for dinner. After dessert, the tween daughter returned her spoon to the table, leaned forward and began licking her plate. I waited for her parents to correct her, but they said nothing. I didn’t want to embarrass the girl or her parents, but my young children were fascinated. What should I have done?Anonymous

Other than passing her the pots and pans to lick clean?

My hunch is that the girl was trying to provoke her parents into a wild rumpus. Mercifully, they didn’t take the bait (in front of others). You did the right thing by keeping mum, too, Mummy — especially if you followed up with your own children, later, about how ridiculous Pamela the Plate Licker’s behavior was.

For help with an awkward social situation, send queries to socialq@nytimes.com, or Social Q’s, The New York Times Style Department, 620 Eighth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10018. Please include a daytime phone number.

View the original article here

Call me a nitpicker (har har!), but you seem to be tying yourself into needless knots. It’s great to be supportive, especially to the bedbugged, who can feel isolated and ashamed.

Not that they should. If we’ve learned anything from the 27,000 articles on the mighty mites this summer, it’s that bedbugs are democratic — striking chateaus and shanties with equal vigor. All it takes is a bug and a bite.

Still, just because you might catch them anywhere is no reason to visit places where you know you can, right? And unless there’s an exterminator’s license in your purse, it’s hard to see what value you and hubby can bring to the eradication effort.

Be clear: “You, we love. The bedbugs, not so much.” Take your pal to a nice, neutral restaurant. No need to roll naked on his mattress just to show that you care.

Still Single

I’m moving to London for graduate school. But when people find out that I’m 30 and a single woman, the conversation goes from well-wishing to pity: “What about marriage?” or “Maybe you’ll marry an Englishman?” Isn’t it rude to say such things? If I tell them I’m not married by choice, I’m met with disbelief and even hostility. How do I respond without starting a fight?

Anonymous, Seattle

Maybe it’s a time-zone thing, but in New York, at 30 you’d have five to eight more years before fielding this “For Whom the (Wedding) Bell Tolls” nonsense.

It’s rude for strangers to second-guess your life choices. The sexism galls, too. I’d lay odds that a 30-year-old man would hear far less carping on the subject. Problem is, these folks are usually as well-meaning as they are off-base. So, if you prefer not to cause fusses (or give lessons in gender politics), try accentuating the positive: “I’m so excited by my work that men are simply going to have to wait.”

To which you will inevitably hear: “Well, don’t wait too long.” You may either smile through your teeth, or join Match.com immediately. Your call, Anonymous.

Just Smell the Flowers

I was visiting a friend in the mountains who suggested picking wildflowers in a national forest. I told her that wasn’t right because it prevents the flowers from setting seed for the next year. We went for a walk, she picked her flowers, and I said nothing. Later, she posted on Facebook (and her blog) that she’d been out with the “Nature Police,” and encouraged others to follow her example. After my visit, I sent an e-mail saying I was hurt. We haven’t spoken since. Is this friendship over? Anonymous

It will be if the two of you don’t stop your passive-aggressive Internet foolishness. So far, you’ve taken to Facebook, blog spots, e-mail and advice columns. For the love of snapdragons, why not talk to each other?

Social media are meant to facilitate communication, not create safe distances for flaming. If you care about your friend, call her up. An old-fashioned chat may be just the ticket. (And for the record: You’re right about the wildflowers. If we pick them, how can other people enjoy them?)

Minding Manners

My family hosted some friends and their children for dinner. After dessert, the tween daughter returned her spoon to the table, leaned forward and began licking her plate. I waited for her parents to correct her, but they said nothing. I didn’t want to embarrass the girl or her parents, but my young children were fascinated. What should I have done?Anonymous

Other than passing her the pots and pans to lick clean?

My hunch is that the girl was trying to provoke her parents into a wild rumpus. Mercifully, they didn’t take the bait (in front of others). You did the right thing by keeping mum, too, Mummy — especially if you followed up with your own children, later, about how ridiculous Pamela the Plate Licker’s behavior was.

For help with an awkward social situation, send queries to socialq@nytimes.com, or Social Q’s, The New York Times Style Department, 620 Eighth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10018. Please include a daytime phone number.

View the original article here